Holiday Shortcuts

Now that December is here, your Holiday Season is in full swing! This usually means different people and different things as well as family time too. I know we all have our traditions that define who we are and the Holidays. Most of these old traditions are overwhelming and time-consuming, leaving you with no time to really enjoy this time of year.

In my previous post,“Holiday Reminders”, I encouraged everyone to get all your loose ends tied up. For instance, your cleaning. In the process of simplifying, and in a few simple steps carry this over to your baking or whatever you have planned. I discovered that I could still do many of these things, but to a lesser degree.

Your biggest concern is relieving your stress so you can really enjoy this Awesome time of year with whomever you invite into your home.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Holiday Reminders

The Holidays are rolling around again and it’s time to start thinking about getting your cleaning done. Now is a good time to put together your cleaning checklist and prioritize your cleaning schedule so you can be finished in a timely manner. Don’t procrastinate, if you will refer back to the post I wrote for “Cleaning Tips for you and Your Home” you will be way ahead of the game in the coming weeks.

My family and friends are the most important to me around this time of year. Spending quality time and eating great food. It’s always a bonus when your home is neat and tidy for everyone to enjoy, with the candles lit and the spices simmering. Happy Holidays and for heaven sakes relax and have some fun.

Cleaning Out Your Outside Garbage Cans

Now why would you go and do a thing like that? I tell ya, cleaning this and cleaning that is a bit nerve racking at best, and absolute insanctum insanum at worst. I was probably a Latin queen of Sheba in a prior life. What an abhorring job, cleaning out the ole dross receptacle. Oh what logic that is, first one must load said receptacle with said waste, secondly one must remove said waste from said receptacle, thirdly one must cleanse all microbiological impurities from said receptacle and fourthly one must refill said receptacle with said waste. Now I don’t know about you but I think Euclid is glad that the logic problems in his day were easy. Ergo we must surmise that this gross job is probably not considered by most homo-sapiens (especially the macho category) let alone properly denoted on their weekly cleaning checklists and schedules. This being said I am going to venture a postulation that when interrogating ones garbage cans one must sprinkle with antibacterial chemicals at least and inflict fire hose like pressure if needed. Do this twice a year. It will keep the flies, maggots and dogs down, I promise. Here is a story and some suggestions that I recommend you can do without calling in the Armed Forces.

Now I think I better interject this little tid bit of info as an FYI. I usually do not take the trash out. You know that the less fair sex needs something to do and I am raising two strapping young lads. I don’t think their hands were meant to gain all their calluses from an Xbox paddle not to mention there is brain rot and rebellion that must be considered. What do you think? Am I totally off my rocker? Besides I don’t think I have to tell you that I do everything else. So its “BOYS GET THAT MONKEY WASTE GARBAGE OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!”. I am such a lovely mother aren’t I? hehehe.

So the other day I found myself home alone enjoying a little me time, aka peace and quiet. As I was fingering my lovely piping hot java mug I notice a little WWE going on in my nostrils. In the blue corner there was my lovely wisps of Vanilla Nut Pumpkin Pie Java and in the red corner there was this ugly secretion of a maggots arm pit. There was a tendril like jet trail acting as a ten lane freeway connecting to the red corner to the pantry. I knew right off the bat it was that beaver dam garbage. My sweetest of sweets left the lovely over flowing waste receptacle untouched before frolicking off to school. Of course my super mom panties were on in an instant and I was ready to do battle.

I set a course for the pantry to eliminate the tartness that was stealing oxygen from my kitchen. Swooping in with ninja like skills I grasped the hefty kitchen bag full of waste by the neck and did a little hum rendition of the funeral march. I dialed in coordinates and shot off to the land of the giant blue waste contaminate holders next to the shed. Thanks to the stealth upgrades in my super mom panties I was not intercepted by the insect air-force comprised of F-42 Hornets and P28 Flytnings. I approached the blue barrels tentatively, and at DEF-CON 3 the hair inside my nose stood up like little fairies dancing around Peter Pan. I notice a fly that was circling the barrels like a vulture that had found a decaying heap of gourmet sludge. I opened the lid and nausea swept over me taking me back to my first conception. To no one in particular the well oiled hinges of my mouth went to work as I bellered “What in the hill is that gosh darn awful smell?”, using a more correct command of my four letter vocabulary of course. Crawling around in the heaps of rot and fermentation were Satan’s spawn, maggots. A quick near debilitating look revealed that the white trash bags deposited had been haphazardly tossed into the blue cans and left untied, allowing the first wave of zombie creatures to mutate and plan a world domination. They had a good week of unhindered planning while building up their army. I attacked with a few well placed expletives. I knew I had to tackle this mess and went to work. I decided this would require my purple rubbermaids, scrubbing brush, garden hose and chemical warfare. Properly suited I plunged into the depths of hell and began gathering up the loose trash into giant black hefty garbage bags. I wheeled the blue trash barrels over to the nearest hydrant, dumped a half gallon of ammonia in each one and filled them with water. I let them soak giving the ammonia room to work as I returned to the deck to sip on some strong ice tea. A couple drinks later I returned and dumped the sick smelly water into the gravel, laid the barrels on their sides, put the nozzle from the higher regions on the end of the hose and sprayed as a man hath no fury. I then retrieved my Tea Tree Oil and dropped several drops into each trash can, and let it sit awhile as I fled to the deck for another round of ice tea.

Later that afternoon, feeling pretty happy, I dumped out the rest of the water and let the barrels sit in the sun to dry out. They were as good as new. When the family returned home I did have a few things to say. I am pretty sure I got the message across because I haven’t seen anything creepy crawly finding its way out of the trash cans to take over the planet.

You can use any cleaner to complete this awful task, such as 409 or Pine-Sol. I just happen to have ammonia handy so that’s what I used. Anything like I mentioned should work as long as it has a good strong smell, and I highly recommend the Tea Tree Oil as a final disinfectant. Remember to return to the deck for a final sipping of the brown fluid in your glass as a celebration for tackling such a gross job, believing and relieved it won’t come around again for a long time, (hopefully).

Washing Windows

Usually a hot topic when spring comes around. This makes sense with the crazy weather patterns we have been having! Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall, Right?  Which season is it? Or is it Summer, Spring, Fall, Winter? Well, whatever season it is it must be Global Warming and we still have to figure out how to get the windows clean. So many viruses out, your "Windows" (you know the Microsoft kind) will crash at the drop of a mouse. Getting the grime off your windows can be almost as time consuming as removing the lint from your innie belly button, albeit not as interesting though! I admit that I would rather go after the lint then attack the grimelins from the window. It’s a pane in the posterior cheeks if you ask me, certainly not on the top of my cleaning checklist. However, if you don’t clean your windows along with your other spring cleaning it is almost as bad as if you forgot to vacuum. BTW that is a little trick I learned when I was a Minnie Me, you could make mom believe that you did all your cleaning if you just vacuumed. Note to self: check under the kids beds when I get home. The moral of the story is that your windows probably should not have that grimy multicolored look unless your dwelling is the Canterbury Cathedral. If you have a particularly grimy window covered in hard water spots, scale, and bug droppings then I have a story that might help. 

A few weeks back a friend of mine called to tell me about the black widow infested vine forest thriving in the window wells to the basement of a house he had just moved into. It was truly amazing. Beautiful he said, with orange trumpet vines that had laid claim to the job of filtering out all light that would seek any type of refuge in the dark basement. Let me tell you HEPA don’t got noth’in on motivated trumpet vines in the filter business. As you can imagine in every forest there must be creatures. The king of each vine jungle had the biggest juiciest Black Widows you ever did see. These must have been Shelob's babies. There was no shortage of yummy little pill bugs, other spiders, crickets, and beetles in each window well to fulfill each fatherless widow’s dominatrix like hunger and desire. There might have even been a hobbit or two fighting to bring down the S&M ring of spider dominance. So you can imagine the state of each window well and pane recessed in the menacing forests. These windows had seen it all and more by look of the mummified crust that had adhered itself to the once pure and graceful glass. 

My friend branded his trusty two handed Fiskars 9154 PowerGear 32-Inch Bypass Lopper and went to task of de-forestation. I told him he was encouraging Global Warming in removing all that foliage but he gave no heed. He was a man on a mission out to conquer the Holy Land. Leveled with Fern Gully like reminiscence dancing in the air he changed gears and tools bending his mind to the task of capture and interrogation. He really wanted to catch the mini Shelobs and keep them as pets, his precious. Thankfully he has a wife with enough sense to abhor the very idea of any eight legged enigma. Her response to his ludicrousity was Gandalf like, “YOU SHALL NOT KEEP.” So he did what any man would do and went looking for a magnifying glass and found instead a shiny new bottle of Ortho Home Defense MAX Insect Killer. It was effective. He succeeded in banishing the life out of the spider queens. I think I even heard their great great grand children cry out in the final moments. Now that the fun was done things took on a serious note as there were windows to be rescued. The Windex came out and the mummified crust was attacked with vim and vigor. All that it seemed to do was make the grime, water spots, and scaly build up look young and fresh. So it was decided that the scale and water spots should be attacked directly and the Lime Away was brought out and applied with a terry cloth. It sat for a while and the windows were rinsed with clean water. That should have had some effect but no it did not. This was getting serious. It was looking as if the windows had lost their will to fight and had allowed all the grime and scale to take over their very soul. Drastic measures were required. Now be warned that what I am about to tell you to use is not considered environmentally sound. Much prudence and caution must be exercised when pulling out the atomics. I told my friend that we better use the keys and dial the code that would “rewease the secwet weapon”. I gave him a bottle of The Works toilet bowl cleaner. This stuff is poison controls worst nightmare. The fumes, if accidentally inhaled, may cause schizophrenia. You must use rubber gloves and a possible face mask when using The Works. Think of it as the Frankenstein of chemicals. You must also apply it with much diligence and care. My friend used paper towels. He applied some of the liquid to the towel and wiped it across the surface so as not to create a chemical spill that would require a call to FEMA. The effect was immediate as if some dark necromancer magic was bringing the windows back from the dead. The mummified crust was literally disintegrated with an acidic hiss. Clean water was used to wipe the windows to remove the chemicals. I suggested wiping them down a few more times with clean water. The windows were allowed to dry and he said they looked almost new. A finishing Windexing and you could not tell that they had ever been anything but beautiful clear windows.

 My friend called me the next day and said he thinks the fumes from The Works helped the bugs find the happy hunting grounds as there were bug remains found at the bottom of each window well. So if you have windows that need a resurrection and you have tried everything else then give this method a try. Just remember to respect your chemicals. 

Getting Rid of Odor

Have you ever had the experience of walking through your red front door and getting punched in the face by an 800 pound sumo smell? I am not talking about sveaty arm pits. By the way I didn’t spell that wrong, I mean sveaty like da "Russian Spy". I am not even talking about that strange fungus that crawls from the hobo’s toenails. Well that is pretty gross! So I won’t even put that in your mind. Or maybe I can figure out a way to clean out your mind for another post.

The first thing that alerts me to the clean scale of a home is the ol factory sideburns of my noggin. The biggest part of our sense of taste is smell.  It gives a whole new meaning to ‘clean enough to eat off of’. Note to self, an 800 pound sumo is probably never going to get his arm pits clean enough for me to eat off of them, unless I am on one of those "game shows" that dared me to for a "billion dollars". You can probably imagine the nasty little nose chewing odors and LingerMites I have had the displeasure of meeting in my career of "professional cleaning".

I happened to take a trip for a couple days. I mean your nose knows when it is time to go and smell the flowers, or the sun soaked "tropical beaches of Maui". Well that trip was to the mountain, I haven’t made it to Maui yet. It’s on my list so please click the ‘donate now’ button and add to the fund. I will post pictures I promise. During this particular trip I hired a babysitter so the kids would have a plaything while I was away. After putting out some newspaper and filling the "feeding bowls" I was off.  THEN I was back standing in front of my red door. I opened the door, my eyes blurred, my nose went on red alert and everything went black. I should have woken up in a hospital bed but I was left lying on the front porch trying to crawl my way back to consciousness. It was sour. It was geriatric. It was nose "Ebola". That smell was certainly not religious. To top it off there was whipped cooking odors and a maraschino un-flushed toilet for color. Now don’t get me wrong somewhere in the fume smorgasbord was a dancing hint of "disinfectant cleaner" and a teasing pinch of an outdated "Yankee Candle" scent from the Mayflower. They were battling an unwinnable battle against the evil armies of foul LingerMites.

Armed with a new sense of life and a determination to retake the castle I set out on a quest to discover what animal, vegetable or mineral was feeding the frenzied LingerMites. My trusting Mominhood skills did it again and I hunted down a moist patch of carpet in the family room.  Somehow the newspaper had not made it to that particular patch of imported Indian pile. The babysitter/kids play toy kept making this humming Umm Umm Umm sound as a wispy thread of stench stuck its finger up my nose and yanked me to the vacuum closet.  On the side lines my wonderful children of Oz stood staring with pinched mouths and bright eyes. I felt a nauseous blackness toying with my thoughts when my son stepped forward and said “Mom! Brother dared me to drink the sour milk that the babysitter had thrown in the garbage. He said I was a chicken and wouldn’t dare. I had to. It was the only way.” Yeah, I thought, the only way to eliminate the global problem of over population. He had apparently tried to pull a version of "Michelangelo's statue of "David"" and instead ended up as "Bernin's "Triton Fountain"". Spewing forth vomit he managed to eliminate the entire block’s worth of breathable air and make a sizable investment of vomit in the family room. So what did the babysitter do? She got the trusty Vacuum of course. How could I really blame her? You have seen the commercials for "Electrolux", haven’t you? They are almost as amazing as the “I caun’t bell-ieve ets nawt bootter” guy.  I have the older version of the "Versatility EL8502D". It sucks, and I mean that in the most intimate of vacuum jargon.  Again, please donate now for my upgrade. So my "Electrolux" stood there in the closet almost in a coma. 

I stormed off to my bedroom in search of my "Super Mom panties" and "rubber gloves". I sprayed the vomit infested patch of carpet with a potent mixture of water and "Ammonia". I let it sit a couple of minutes and went to town on it with a terry cloth, dabbing and wiping like "Cinderella". Once was not good enough. It took five times before my spirit animal came into my vision and showed me the promise land was near. After the area dried I put a small box of "arm and hammer baking soda" and a cup of "folders dark roast coffee" on the carpet. It stood like a grave and stewed for forty eight hours while I went to perform an exorcism on my Electrolux. It is a good thing I played Operation as a kid. Skills in hand I disemboweled my sucker friend. Through the scientific process I deduced which parts would be worthy of baptism by "Ammonia" water. The selected parts were bathed and set out to soak up the warm sun on my deck. When they had sufficient time to recoup and dry I helped them find their home on the skeleton of my Luxy. Once revived and feeling like new, my Vacuum, like a man returned from retreat, was ready for the world. I took it out for a spin sucking up the Arm and Hammer/Foldgers grave in the family room. After a few days I had banished the hordes of LingerMites. A quick spray of "Melaleuca Sol-U-Guard botanical" as a final disinfectant and in-scent-ivisor for the carpet and all was well in the land of home.

This process is very good for getting rid of hard to reach smells, if you catch my drift. You could attach dog and cat odors in the upholstery or even vomit splashed car seats. Baking Soda and Coffee grounds together make an awesome odor remover. "Melaleuca" is a awesome disinfectant that smells great. In the end I did not have to rent a "carpet cleaning machine" or Call 1-800-Stanley Steemer.

As little side note for my "sundae" of smells, I must tell you a little trick I wish my babysitter had known. During the holidays I love the smell of all the wonderful spice aromas that dance around like nose temptress fairy nymphs. They come out when the warm succulent "pumpkin pies" are baking and cinnamon rum cakes cool. Rather than lighting candles I fill a small sauce pan with water and add "cinnamon sticks", "whole cloves", "allspice" and "coffee grounds", then let it simmer on low. It makes your home smell divine and is very festive. Just remember to watch it and not let all the water simmer away or you might be inviting a different color of 800 pound sumo smell into your home.

Stain Removal for Permanent Red Marker

I would like to share a story about stain removal with all you Super Moms and Clean Freaks. 

When my daughter was 2 years old she was one of those kids who know that “the entire world is her playground!” There was no sacred ground other than the ground she walked, stood, sat, peed, stained, played, colored, ran, hopped, and looked upon. All other creatures are there for her pleasure and service. We are all just "Minions" of the great 2 year old goddess. Sound familiar? 

So one day I had gone downstairs to do some laundry. You know, using "Stain Removers" and "fabric softeners" and the likes. Heaven forbid that I was distracted for a period not more than ten minutes! 

As I headed back upstairs my matronly tuned ears picked up that horrifying, sinister giggle that only a 2 year old goddess could compose. I tried to tell myself it was just a lack of caffeine and I was not really hearing any such nonsense. As I came into view of the living room opening I could almost smell the sinister giggling. It was real. As I came around the corner, there in full view to the world was my little "Picasso" exercising the latest in art tools, the "Permanent Red Marker". In mono color she had stained the beautiful cream colored walls in geometrically challenged shapes and figurines.  

This was not in my "daily cleaning checklist" or even my "cleaning schedule" for the year. I released a gasp, not one of the pleasurable kind, but one that sounded like a deflating balloon that learned to speak the language “Expletive”.  

I didn’t know what to do. So what did I do?  I called Mom, of course. I mean, I must have taught her a thing or two about "stain removal" when I was a 2 year old goddess. She snickered, a ‘ninner ninner nit nit’ ditty. In fact, I think she got younger in the one minute it took to explain my predicament.  After the immediate effects of gloating wore off she told me about this yellowish type all purpose substance called Awesome. It is available at the reputable Family Dollar and Wal-Mart establishments. 

So I found my fairy princess wand, AKA the Caravan key, and tied my little Picasso into a plush fabric transportation throne, and off we went on an adventure to find the magical "stain removal" elixir named "Awesome" that promised to banish the evil red from the innocent living room walls. Our adventure took us to a kid loving "ice cream" parlor and a "debit card" sucking "gas station" but we did find our elixir. 

So armed and dangerous I entered the ring to battle the evil red stains. BAM! BAM! ( I  should say.. SHHHH!.... SHHHH!) I fired the yellowish elixir and the red began to shrink and fade, like the evil green witch from "Wizard of Oz". I could almost hear the famous “I’m melting, I’m melting! sizzle…sizzle, it was working. The red didn’t stand a chance. I was awesome, pun intended. With a few more squirts and a bit of scrubbing this wall and scrubbing that wall the red was banished from the land of the living room. I think I am supposed to have a fun little song here but the "Munchkins" are already under contract. Sorry! 

So I thought wow if this works against the evil red it must against other evil stains. What an "Awesome stain removal" product for "permanent marker cleanup" and some of the toughest stains.  It works great as a "degreaser" and "grime remover".

Cleaning Tips For You And Your Home.

 * Cleaning your home is not usually at the top of most people’s list of great or fun things to do. If you let your mind wander too much, you will spend more time cleaning than you really want to. I write a list of my top 10 priorities that need my attention such as those darn LingerMites in the corner of the living room ceiling and focus on each task until they are finished.
*  "Household organizing" and cleaning can be done quicker than you think. I make a "schedule" and stick to it. Make sure you carry your "cleaning supplies" in a basket or tote, so you don't waste time going back and forth. Clean top to bottom, left to right and back to front. Dust first, vacuum last! Before you know it there will be a checkmark by each item and with a little determination, focus and time your once dirty house will soon shine.
*  Get Some Help. If you have people living with you or have children get them involved. Assign a task to each person or child for a week or so and then change out or rotate each task. I always throw in some deep cleaning along with my regular cleaning schedule, such as scrubbing the tile in the bathroom with a toothbrush to get rid of that awful "mold and mildew".
* Using the right product for each cleaning job is always important. Whether I am getting red Gatorade out of the carpet or the smell of vomit out of the car, I try to use "natural cleaning rememdies" before I head for the chemicals. Depending on what I am cleaning, using good quality products is the best.
* "Decluttering" is the best part of cleaning. GETTING RID OF JUNK. I tell my kids, don't be a packrat. Save only the important items like things you get from a family member or a friend. This isn't always easy to get across but in the end you will have a neat and tidy home.

FoxyClean Intro

Hello there inquisitive "Super Moms", tidy lovers and foxy little home control personnel. I created the foxyclean blog to share my passion for the neat and clean environmental gang. I was a super mom and "professional residential/office cleaner" for 12 years. I have experienced the day to day grind of keeping house, to the deep clean of "spring cleaning" for my family and many others whose professional relationship is on the intimate side of clean. They say you can tell a lot about a person by their garbage. That concept is compounded many times by the condition of their carpet, windows, walls and bathrooms. It is always and adventure. You get to do battle with eight legged creatures and annoying winged "Pterodactyl" like annoyances, just remember to aim your chemical "AK47" in a bottle at the creature and not the cute little dog’s eyes. I have trudged through the depths of great red dyes, multi-colored wax deposits and evil nose killing LingerMites. It is amazing the adventures red Gatorade "carpet stains", "crayon" inflicted clothing and vomit splashed "car seats" can bring.
And now I am branching into the technological age of community and sharing. I hope you enjoy my foxyclean blog. Don’t be shy!  I am always looking for the questions that arise from your many adventures. Definitely comment for all of us with your own insights.